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Breast Cancer

My name is Cíntia Caroline, 25 years old. I Live In Brazil -João Pessoa -Paraíba. I discovered The breast cancer last year (24 years old). I want to share The text that I wrote In The International Women’s day:

“Hi. I will be Clara, from the movie Aquarius, for at least another six months.

First of all… HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY!

“Sometimes it hurts a little. Sometimes it hurts a lot. Sometimes it hurts forever. Sometimes it hurts in peace.” That’s how I describe what I feel when I look at myself in the mirror or when I touch the place where my right boob used to be. I’ve chosen this day to post this picture because the breasts are one of the most striking features of a woman. Or at least it’s how I see them. Breasts are related to femininity, sexuality, sensuality and motherhood. Among all treatments I’ve gone through(chemotherapy, mastectomy, radiotherapy), the radical mastectomy was the worst part (and it still is), because since I was a little girl, in the early stages of my puberty, I already knew my breasts would be small, almost childish. They were extremely small, but, about four years ago, I had silicone implants put in and they became really pretty; proportional to my body. The result was almost just like I wanted them to be-the “almost” is because two scars of about 1 cm each remained at the base of my breasts, which I’ve got used to living with very quickly, they are almost imperceptible now.

People who met me before the augmentation mammoplasty and after that, notice the difference. I’ve become an incredibly happier person, more secure, more confident – another person really. I started to feel more feminine (more like a woman), a complete woman. Only after that, I had the courage to show my body and give myself to someone, for example.

And then, 2016 arrived and with it the discovery of my breast cancer; what an irony of fate…I was in the best phase of my body, perhaps of my life!, with a few extra pounds (only skinny girls know the joy of gaining a few pounds – these extra pounds were lost just after the first chemo), I was finishing my degree and so on. 

I, who didn’t want to have small breasts and was bothered by tiny scars, was now having to learn how to live without one breast and a huge scar – as if the hair-loss was not already enough, which was something that also affected me (but hair grows… breast, on the other hand…).

Well, the difference between both Cíntias/Carols is that the present one is sure that she doesn’t stop being a complete woman because of that. Nobody does. But, of course, the insecurity, the low self-esteem sometimes knock on my door. There are some days when I’m in a terrible mood and I feel incomplete again, especially when romantic issues arise. During this time of treatment, I heard about a lot of cases of women who have been abandoned by their partners – of long and short term relationships.  Luckily, for being single, I didn’t have to pass through this too (my crushes ran away, but they were just crushes, it doesn’t count). However, it’s hard to start a relationship after the treatment, even harder than before, considering that now there is the challenge of finding a guy who knows how to live with my condition of being an oncological patient (still very stigmatized) and how to see the marks of my body naturally. I, myself, am in a constant process of self-acceptance. It’s very hard and delicate. (I’ve been doing therapy since the beginning of treatment, and it has helped a lot.). Finally, I just want to be what my mother says in her poetry: “I want to be a woman, but a phoenix-woman, capable of being reborn endlessly and repeatedly from the ashes of life”.  

 🌹 🌹 ❤

And yes, I’m complete, bigger and better than I was yesterday.

 ❤ 🌹

I wish all women, especially the ones who are fighting against breast cancer, a happy day every day. I wish they love themselves more and more, and feel pretty, complete, with or without breasts. We are more, much more, than our breasts.

Xoxo, and kiss me.  😘 😘 😘

P.s.: Among all the types of cancer, I believe breast cancer is the one that unsettles a woman the most, regarding her self-esteem. 

P.p.s.: I’ll do my breast reconstruction as soon as my skin is back to its normal color. It has got this wonderful tan because of the radiotherapy (.)  🔥  ( (no, I’m not that strong – and I don’t have to be – to the point of staying without one breast for rest of my life.”

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